One step at a time and be kinder to yourself. It sounds like you're overwhelming yourself with guilt. Is there someone else you can stay with until you get your money up? Perhaps rent a room in someone's house? I think it's a great idea that you're going to see a therapist instead of drinking your problems away. Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do before you get to do the fun stuff. Get a regular job for a little while so you can be more stable.
