I used to have a great relationship with my biological mom. I could tell her everything. She didn't raise me, so we had more of a friendship than a normal mother daughter relationship. We talked about my sex-life all the time. We would laugh about it. But things changed.
My son was taken away from me by CPS. He's almost 3. Long story short, his arm was broken and I didn't know for 3 days until I took him to his pediatrician and they told me to go to the ER straight away. To this day I have no idea how his arm was broken. I've gone over it repeatedly in my mind to try to pinpoint what happened, but there's no point where he made a fuss about it being in pain or anything. When I noticed he wasn't using his arm I even moved it around a bit, still no crying or any indication that it was broken (other than his not using his arm). Anyway, I had a meltdown because I didn't realize it was broken for so long, I felt fucking terrible. next thing I know, CPS and some cops come talk to me (and I don't think to just shut up and say I want a lawyer because I figured I hadn't done anything wrong, and cops are supposed to help...right? PSH) and they decide that I MUST be abusive. and they take him away. My mom has him now. and the courts have said now that it is entirely up to her when I get my son back.
So, while I still had my son, I started camming. I told my mom because she's always been... ya know.. cool. But then she basically disowned me. she said she wouldn't talk to me anymore.
Later on I told her that I had quit (which I of course hadn't) because I missed her. Things got fairly back to normal. After my son was taken away, she found out that I hadn't stopped camming. Again, (and to this day for various reasons) she refused to talk to me.. or actually let me talk to her. She has made it clear that in order to get my son back, I needed to stop camming (among other things). Since then I have in fact stopped all camming activities, and now I work 2 part time jobs.
I am fucking MISERABLE now, and I work 50x as hard for a tiny paycheck. I'm afraid to start camming again and that I'll get found out again if I do, but I miss it so much. I miss the people, the fun, the money.. I just don't know what to do. How could one person hold so much power over me?
Anyway.. If you've taken the time to read this, thanks. I just needed to vent, and hope that maybe I can get some kind of emotional support.
My son was taken away from me by CPS. He's almost 3. Long story short, his arm was broken and I didn't know for 3 days until I took him to his pediatrician and they told me to go to the ER straight away. To this day I have no idea how his arm was broken. I've gone over it repeatedly in my mind to try to pinpoint what happened, but there's no point where he made a fuss about it being in pain or anything. When I noticed he wasn't using his arm I even moved it around a bit, still no crying or any indication that it was broken (other than his not using his arm). Anyway, I had a meltdown because I didn't realize it was broken for so long, I felt fucking terrible. next thing I know, CPS and some cops come talk to me (and I don't think to just shut up and say I want a lawyer because I figured I hadn't done anything wrong, and cops are supposed to help...right? PSH) and they decide that I MUST be abusive. and they take him away. My mom has him now. and the courts have said now that it is entirely up to her when I get my son back.
So, while I still had my son, I started camming. I told my mom because she's always been... ya know.. cool. But then she basically disowned me. she said she wouldn't talk to me anymore.
Later on I told her that I had quit (which I of course hadn't) because I missed her. Things got fairly back to normal. After my son was taken away, she found out that I hadn't stopped camming. Again, (and to this day for various reasons) she refused to talk to me.. or actually let me talk to her. She has made it clear that in order to get my son back, I needed to stop camming (among other things). Since then I have in fact stopped all camming activities, and now I work 2 part time jobs.
I am fucking MISERABLE now, and I work 50x as hard for a tiny paycheck. I'm afraid to start camming again and that I'll get found out again if I do, but I miss it so much. I miss the people, the fun, the money.. I just don't know what to do. How could one person hold so much power over me?
Anyway.. If you've taken the time to read this, thanks. I just needed to vent, and hope that maybe I can get some kind of emotional support.
