Suemmy
Sr. Member
Today I got payed my first 2000$ on my bank saldo and hell what did I felt humiliated . Wondering why ? Because of the way in which I earned that money . I earned it by selling my body and recruiting others to sell their body . I earned that money by convincing others to see themselves as a peace of meat . I earned that money by being a webcamhoocker myself ... And that's the point : I'm not so hopeless that I have to do this work . I have 2 diploma's : one from a Latin study and one from an Ancient-Greek study . Why the hell am I doing such dishonorating and humiliating work was what I was thinking when I withdrawed my money . I have other options . I did high studies , I don't have to be this prefetic , instead of those who didn't study anything I have other options ! I don't want to be a online hoocker . God , I am so confused ... This work is a paradox with my morses . My parents didn't raise me this way . I have had a good education and I have been taught ethics and showing selfrespect . I don't know if I can do this work longer . I'm feeling so guilty . I am ashamed that I put my parents trough such dirty work with a lot of taboo on it . You might be thinking : ' if it's this negative , why don't you stop ? ' . Cause it feels like not being a real shame . It feels like a virtual shame . They can't touch me so I'm not a hoocker . But that's a wrong tought . I'm selling desires and that's what hoockers do as well . Besides I'm thinking : ' those guys live in America , I'm living in Europe , there's no danger , they live so far away from me that in fact they are not real ... But there money is !!! And that money is so easily earned that it's hard to stop . Somewhere it feels like a fairytale as well : a couple of hours a week being myself , making fun , convincing some girls to apply via me and at the end of the month big bucks . 2000$ my first payment . It might seam weard , but I never had 2000$ before and now I have that quick because of people who are very soft and tender for me and willing to pay for that . But I also know there's the danger that when I'm going to attend law school next year , with my Latin and Greek diploma , university screens her students and when they find out I might be denied to attend their university or even being kicked out . And this kind of erotic material stays long on internet so when I get offered a well paying job in a legal way as an attorney later then they can do the same because of my past . I have a big bright future ( using my brains ) in front of me . I can't just do wathever I like . And I like this work don't get me wrong ... But it stays a dirty fire .... I'm so confused ...
