hi, i wanted to share something I have experienced and asked for advice maybe and if anyone can relate to this. i used to be a cam model in a studio in eastern europe. my country is very poor and i happen to come from a town that is a warzone now. and i was there all on my own, having tried lots of jobs and it was never enough money to even eat i decided to try camming. the total time i have done this was half a year. so first couple of months have been great, i was just euphoric about the amount of money i can make and getting very confident that i can support myself on my own.
then after a while i have noticed that i start to feel really down after work, everything was starting to not look as good. i have felt like most men on the site are mistreating me, do not think of me as a living human being, i did things that i was not comfortable with because i had to pay my rent i look really young so i often had to engage in some kind of daddy daughter thing and i am extremely grossed out by it and i was also living with my boyfriend who i loved dearly but he did not contribute to our budget like literally has not given any money to help and he was unable to hold a stable job and i was working alone, feeding the two of us and cat, paying rent and giving 50% of money to the studio so i had to step over my principles quite often.
so my mental state started to get worse and worse and coming to work was like a torture to me and i had problems having sex with my boyfriend, i just could not get aroused anymore and since then i feel like i can get aroused very rarely and before that i used to be very sexual and loved sex...and so one day i realized i just cannot go there anymore. i called my boss and told him that i wont come today and i never want to come to work again. he was angry at me and didnt pay me what i have earned in 2 weeks. it felt really crushing and unfair
now i am in a much better place and i am living with my parents and whenever i think about camming it makes me feel so bad and i still feel like it has made a hole inside of me and that part of the sadness will never leave, it has transformed my personality from cheerful, happy girl to someone who cannot trust, is very reserved, find it difficult to communicate with people prefer to be alone and just a sad mess
thank you for listening...
then after a while i have noticed that i start to feel really down after work, everything was starting to not look as good. i have felt like most men on the site are mistreating me, do not think of me as a living human being, i did things that i was not comfortable with because i had to pay my rent i look really young so i often had to engage in some kind of daddy daughter thing and i am extremely grossed out by it and i was also living with my boyfriend who i loved dearly but he did not contribute to our budget like literally has not given any money to help and he was unable to hold a stable job and i was working alone, feeding the two of us and cat, paying rent and giving 50% of money to the studio so i had to step over my principles quite often.
so my mental state started to get worse and worse and coming to work was like a torture to me and i had problems having sex with my boyfriend, i just could not get aroused anymore and since then i feel like i can get aroused very rarely and before that i used to be very sexual and loved sex...and so one day i realized i just cannot go there anymore. i called my boss and told him that i wont come today and i never want to come to work again. he was angry at me and didnt pay me what i have earned in 2 weeks. it felt really crushing and unfair
now i am in a much better place and i am living with my parents and whenever i think about camming it makes me feel so bad and i still feel like it has made a hole inside of me and that part of the sadness will never leave, it has transformed my personality from cheerful, happy girl to someone who cannot trust, is very reserved, find it difficult to communicate with people prefer to be alone and just a sad mess
thank you for listening...
